How can you improve your essay writing skills for Section C: Using Language to Persuade?
Firstly, the Language of Persuasion: an essay-writing guide provides paragraph and essay maps to help you structure your essay. The corresponding “Suggested Responses” will ensure that you are on track. (See also the ‘slideshow’ relating to “Writing your Essay”.
It is important to read articles “holistically” and prioritise the (overlapping) techniques and word choices that are critical to an author’s argument. Preferably, you will hone in on different tactics as the argument progresses and of course filter throughout references to the author’s tone and tonal changes. Identifying the “big picture” techniques/word choices helps you avoid listing and summarising; it helps avoid repetition in the essay and also enables a deeper reading of the subtext and the implications of an author’s choice of words. Before you get started you may wish to refer to our map of “Language Analysis in a Nutshell”” as well as the “Sample Pages” from the essay-writing guide. Our Slideshows also provide a useful start.
Here’s a few tips below based on a typical student sample.
This is based on a short “Your Say” comment in the essay-writing workbook mentioned above, the Language of Persuasion: an essay-writing guide. I have given some annotated comments relating to the student sample and then included a “suggested response” from the relevant section.
Sample excerpt from The Language of Persuasion: an essay writing guide, p. 27.
Brain awareness week: Your say …..
Quite relieved to see that I’m not the only one who would prefer my son to play with a helmet!
When I suggested it to the coach, he told me that I should let my son toughen up and that he didn’t need any more lame excuses. Needless to say, with such an attitude, the kids who wear helmets are shunned.
However, I’d much rather take precautions now than worry about several-knocks-later-to the-brain. And what’s wrong with making helmets compulsory for all kids? After all, children’s developing brains are vulnerable. They are going to make mistakes and it is usually the head, neck and back that are affected.
Sally Humphries, AEST 1200. 13.11.12
Making a start: a student’s sample analysis
Ms Humphries adopts an exasperated tone to criticize the coach for being heartless and self-centred. (1) She then describes the coach‘s attitude by using phrases such as “tighten up” and “lame excuses”, to also imply that the coach is only concerned about winning the footy game; rather than protesting the safety of these vulnerable children. (2)
Ms Humphries’ real life example makes her argument and opinion more credible towards readers, especially when she is a parent herself. She appeals to health and well-being throughout her letter when she is concerned about her son’s health and safety. (3) Being a parent herself and stating that in the letter, gives a big impact to readers, especially parents who may fear for their child’s safety. (4)
ASSESSOR’S COMMENTS (Refer annotations)
- Perhaps start with a tone word to capture the author’s sense of relief, such as: sensible, reassuring or practical.
- Can you discuss the impact of such phrases? For example, refer to “sentence patterns” on p. 63. Ms Humphries hopes that we will show anger or frustration towards the coach and perhaps sympathy towards the young players who are being excluded.
- Include a quote. Also explain the impact of the author’s concern. For example, Ms Humphries expects that parents will admire her concern. Also, she is anticipating that other members of the public, too, will share her anxiety about safety especially because of the dangers of football.
- Some awkward phrases here, but well done for trying to explain the author’s connection with her audience. For example, “her ideas will resonate with other concerned parents who are likewise concerned about safety issues.”
Rewrite the paragraph drawing upon these suggestions below: See a Sample Paragraph Plan See a sample Paragraph plan.
Note: Ms Sally Humphries: The basis of her argument is her real-life experience. Firstly explain the importance and significance of her real-life experience and then unpack/ analyse its implications for her message. The evidence includes: an appeal to safety; emotive language, depiction of coach; rhetorical question and assertive tone. Show how these techniques are related. What is the common purpose? (Study the diagram on p. 16.)
Ms Sally Humphries relies on her real-life experience as a parent to impress upon the football fraternity the necessity of wearing helmets as a safety precaution. The impact is twofold: she indirectly shames those such as the coach who appear to downplay the safety of young footballers. In addition, she exacts from concerned parents maximum sympathy for the plight of excluded youngsters.
- Personal experience: as a mother of a young boy, Ms Humphries refers to her own incident with the coach to imply that such reckless attitudes to safety make it difficult for young children to wear helmets. She censures the coach’s attitude towards the son — that he should “toughen up” and avoid “lame excuses” — which creates an atmosphere that is hostile to protective headgear. Such an apparently indifferent attitude is bound to antagonise many parents who are concerned for their children’s safety. (Note: if an author uses personal experience or anecdotal evidence, analyse its significance. How does she present herself or other people and why? What are the implications?)
- Her rhetorical question – ‘what’s wrong with kids … — reinforces the difficulty of maintaining her attitudes in such an atmosphere. (Note: If you are referring to the rhetorical question make sure you analyse its tone and/or implications: what is its significance? What does it imply? See p. 17.)
- Depiction of son: The use of emotive and colloquial terms such as “toughen up” and “shunned” portray children as vulnerable to scorn should they follow a coach’s typical advice that Ms Humphries believes downplays safety. Such attitudes create an atmosphere that is hostile to protective headgear and is bound to antagonise and alarm many parents who are concerned for their children’s safety. (Note: Always include a reference to the purpose and significance of such language.)
- Appeals: safety and fear. Ms Humphries plays upon parents’ fear for their children as she recognises that the players are susceptible to “knocks” to the brain. The purpose is to pressure parents to follow what she sees as the best solution. (Also see “sentence patterns”: p. 63.)
References:
See: The Language of Persuasion: an essay-writing guide
See: “Suggested Responses”: an essay writing guide