Putting it together: use your notes to write a fluent paragraph.
Exercise 13: “Your Say”: Another accident, p. 19
Mr Familyman
Mr Familyman (tone/adverb) contends that (viewpoint). He uses negative terms such as (give examples and explain their purpose). Accordingly, he seeks to win motorist’s support for his critical attitude towards the police who, he believes, are (view). He appeals to our hip-pocket nerve by stating metaphorically that (explain with quote) . This phrase derides the police and seeks to (purpose) . He cynically suggests that (give another example). Mr Familyman questions the motives and credibility of police officers. His purpose is to (explain the impact) .
Ms Holland
In a/an (……. ) tone, Ms Holland believes that (view). Her colloquial interjection, “get real” sets the scene for her sarcastic comments about parental advice. She seeks to (purpose) . She idiomatically reinforces her scepticism when she states that (give an example) . She encourages parents to think about (purpose) . As such, she believes that it is counter-productive to overestimate young adults’ wisdom. Using capital letters, she dogmatically concludes that (give an example and explain its purpose) .
Mr Soberup
To shame and isolate the perpetrators of such horrific accidents, Mr Soberup uses negative terms and an (… ) tone. Derogatory labels such as (give examples and explain their purpose) . Such words highlight the author’s view that (explain ) . The colloquial (and idiomatic) expression to describe how they were “egging him on” (purpose) . He poses a rhetorical question — “why would you trust a moron like that?” — to encourage readers to (purpose) . Mr Soberup’s confrontational and self-righteous statements are also directed at parents (explain the purpose) . He seeks to anger readers (why?) .
Exercise 15: At your discretion, by Mr Jason Simon, Executive Officer, p. 22
Here’s an example of a paragraph written by a student
Chief executive officer, Mr Jason Simon uses an authoritative tone throughout his argument. Mr Simon advocates smacking as a useful tool to discipline disobedient children. Mr Simon pressurises parents to use this technique of discipline against their children. He seeks to reassure parents that smacking is sometimes necessary and useful. Mr Simon uses colloquial and idiomatic language to make the scenario more relatable to the reader. The use of euphemism gives the reader a perspective of seeing that from another angle. Using generalisations, Mr Simon convinces the reader and parents that all children “love to be disobedient” and need smacking as a result of good behaviour. The use of colloquialism is used to persuade readers to agree that smacking is useful. He states that it is part of the duty of parenting. He also justifies smacking by using moral values and by referring to the outcome.
Suggested improvements
The paragraph consists of a list of techniques, with a general or vague connection to the author’s point of view. It is important to prioritise the techniques; start with the most obvious technique and impact; show relationships between the techniques and think about the flow of the paragraph. First practice writing some specific sentences and their purpose.
Paragraph 1:
Main contention: Mr Simon advocates smacking as a useful disciplinary tool. Purpose: seeks to justify smacking; reassure parents that smacking is useful and non-intrusive; it is necessary.
Techniques (link to the author’s point of view):
- Tone: authoritative; assertive; forthright
- imaginative scenario; how are children depicted and why? eg. creates a climate of fear; and shames those parents who do not set strict boundaries
- rhetorical question: purpose – to reassure parents that smacking is not harmful
- appeals to moral and appeals to fear
Paragraph 2:
- Statistics to show that smacking has widespread support among parents; their use reassures parents who may be hesitant about smacking children.
- Reference to the “mistakes”; reinforces a climate of fear and plays upon parents’ anxieties; jolts parents out of a sense of complacency by showing them that such mistakes can be “fatal”
- Expert opinion: reinforces family values; show positive consequences of smacking; “most loving thing” : has positive connotations to suggest that it is a parent’s duty to set boundaries; the reference to a child who “oversteps every mark you set” implies that if parents do not show strict discipline such as smacking, children will take advantage of them.
See Suggested responses: paragraphs.
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