WHAT WE CHOOSE TO REMEMBER AND FORGET SHAPES OUR REALITY
“Our realities are nothing but a remembered present”, Dr Gale-Jan Smithson, (Lifestyle guidance commentator)
Let us remember the famous words of Nobel laureate and neuroscientist Gerald Edelman. He believes that our realities are nothing but a “remembered present”. IN other words, our memories are critical to the way we interpret our present lived reality. This is because what we are conscious of is simply what the brain makes us be conscious of and what it makes us conscious of is what we remember.
It has been clear to my colleagues for quite some time, that in the absence of incoming signals, bits of memories tucked away can be enough for a brain to get started with.
However, what the brain then chooses to remember is vitally important. It is just as important as what the brain chooses to forget.
In certain cases, our distorted memories are critical to our survival.
This is evidently the case with Vicki Hopkins, one of Australia’s youngest war widows. She states that with each subsequent death of a soldier she remembers the pain. She protects herself and her family by remembering the purpose of their mission. She states, “I knew that, with Mat, he was over there with a job to do and that was to make the world a safer place by getting rid of these evil people. And for that I am very, very proud of Mat. The army is not over there only to shoot and kill bad people; they are over there rebuilding the lives of the Afghan people.”
Clearly then, we often magnify or exaggerate elements of the past to suit our self image
No matter whether we have a positive or negative experiences, it is safe to say that generally the way we select, organise and construct our memories will be in a way that protects us. We remember things in our favour, which means that we often present things in a way that preserves our integrity and dignity. As Age cartoonist Michael Leunig says, when “it’s about a loss of dignity, the memory plays tricks and makes everything soft and cloudy; it’s a protective thing.”
In the Death of a Salesman, Willy Loman based his whole life around the fact that he wants to be like the successful salesman, Dave Singleman, who made a respectable living at the age of 84. Apparently, according to Willy, he was also so successful, that he was making up to $170 a week in commissions in 1928.
Here we must pause and think about Willy’s memories. What does he specifically remember and can these memories be trusted?
Specifically, as my colleagues point out, snatches of memories, are often associated with flashes of emotions and hopeful sentiments. In Willy’s case, he remembers how Howard’s father, Frank, “came over to me” and “put his hand on my shoulder”. Willy wants to believe that the father was reinforcing Willy’s illusions of success. However, he is confronted with the realization that perhaps these moments in the past are already fictionalized and Willy momentarily becomes angry and disturbed when he recalls these moments..
Likewise, Willy wants to remember Biff as a potential football star. He had the “sun all around him” and Willy wants to “remember how he waved to me”. This enables him to minimize the extent of Biff’s failures and treacheries. Perhaps, another fictionalized recreation of the past.
However, sometimes we need to face the consequences of our fanciful memories. The more twisted and distorted one’s memories become, then the more difficult it is to remain true and authentic. Willy becomes increasingly dishonest. It is impossible for him to learn from his mistakes or to engage with others in a meaningful way.
Conversely, people think that they can control their realities by choosing to forget inconvenient truths or experiences. By hiding some details of the past, Willy tries to cope in a hostile world. Will doesn’t want to remember the affair with the supplier, which would shatter the harmony of his home life. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that he cannot make a living. He doesn’t want to think that he is dependent upon Charlie for weekly support payments. He doesn’t want to know that Biff is a failure like himself and that no-one wants to employ him. He doesn’t want to remember the fact that he could have followed Ben or that he failed to break away from the poverty of his origins.
However, as many psychologists or commentators remind us, often the more we try to shape and control our realities through our memories the less control we may have, especially if we are trying to forget painful experiences. Sigmund Freud claims that traumatic experiences are often repressed in the subconscious but lurk beneath the surface and are often recalled during troublesome times. Accordingly, these experiences will have a big impact upon our realities. For those who try to hide and deceive themselves, we will still become aware of problems through the “cracks” in the glass. For example, Willy knows that the car is dangerously skidding off the rails, much like his life. He knows that he has not got a “story left in his head” and that he will continue to feel “kinda temporary” about himself if he does not try to confront his demons.
Contrastingly, if people are able to remember experiences as truthfully as possible even though they may be harmful, then it seems that their reality may well be more true and less anxious. Biff remembers more than anything the affair which was the turning point in his relationship with his father. It made him realise just how much of a fraud his father was. And made him realize that he all he wanted to do was “to be outdoors with your shirt off”. As Dorothy Rowe states in her newly released book Why we Lie, it is important that we live authentically. She states, “by recognising your own truths, no matter how painful and saddening these might be, you make yourself into a whole person who is much better able to deal with whatever life throws at you.”
In a similar way, governments are also able to control our realities by choosing what the citizens remember. Governments also rely on language to filter events and shape the way we interpret these experiences. Accordingly, Governments conveniently suppress or forget inconvenient “truths” . As George Orwell would say “who controls the past controls the present”. Winston identified the way in which the Party tried to control people’s past lives to ensure that the people had a favourable impression of the party. It helped citizens accept the party and it stamped out the need for individuals to question the government. This is clearly evident in the Chinese Government’s attitude to the Tiananmen Square massacre that took place in 1989. The reference to the massacre as the “June 4 “ incident is an example of what Orwell would call Newspeak because such euphemisms help to shape people’s memories of an incident. The Chinese Government sought to ensure that people remembered the event as a minor clash. Citizens were coerced into forgetting that the event was a challenge mounted by students to their authority.
Finally, our realities are often a combination of what we remember and what we forget. This enables us to construct a reality that we may be comfortable with. However, sometimes, this can cause a great deal of trauma and conflict and can have consequences for a person’s stability. In many cases what we remember must be as truthful as possible and we must avoid lying to ourselves.
Let me remind you, that as simple as it seems, “in the blink of an eye, the brain creates the entire world,”; however, memories can be a blessing and a curse.