OVERVIEW of our written aims:
Writing clear sentences
- aim for lexical density (ie no wasted words)
- aim for one idea in each sentence
- quote wisely and strategically
- use analytical terms to improve precision and the depth of analysis
Structuring an essay – locating viewpoints
- Ideally, you should have three key ideas (body paragraphs) with a distinct and different focus. This helps you to minimise repetition.
Following the rules below, please send me around 10 sentences.
Please go over Clegg and Major and write some sentences:
- Use: “call to action” verbs and comparisons
- Use: quotes and follow the “rules” for sentences.
RULE NO. 1
Dissect your sentences: include one idea per sentence and analyse /clarify appropriately.
Avoid two to three ideas in one sentence.
Sentence 1: Old Major compares the hard-working farm animals in stark contrast to the greedy, cruel humans by using emotive language to emphasize the cruelty of humans and their disappreciation of the animals’ labour.
- Two ideas: the comparison and the use of emotive language
- Compare: Sentence 2: Old Major contrasts the hard-working farm animals to the greedy, lazy humans. He uses emotive/censorious language to galvanise the animals into action – “Man serves the interests of no creature except himself”.
Sentence 1: Dr Clegg portrays junk food companies as selfish and corrupt and juxtaposes their advertising techniques with the advertising techniques cigarette companies used to use.
Sentence 2: Dr Clegg portrays junk food companies as selfish and corrupt because they focus on profit motives rather than public health. Clegg juxtaposes their advertising techniques with those used by cigarette companies to emphasise their self-serving agendas.
RULE NO. 2
Aim for analytical precision; avoid generic (generalised) statements
- Sentence 1: Clegg compares low-sugar sweets to low tar cigarettes to help introduce her message to the reader.
- Compare: Sentence 2: Clegg compares low-sugar sweets to low tar cigarettes to draw attention to the potential, and often hidden, health risks of low sugar products.
RULE NO. 3:
Use noun phrases/ nominals instead of “How” and “that” clauses: can we reduce words?
Lexical density helps with analytical precision; it helps to reduce words.
You can turn a lengthy “how” or “that” clause into a nominal; this reduces words and increases precision.
- “How”/”That” clause: “The image highlights that teenagers have significant health issues.”
- “The image highlights (nominal = no verb) a teenager’s significant health problems.”
Compare these two sentences:
- exhort: verb: Dr Clegg exhorts the government to implement junk food regulations.
- exhortation – noun: Dr Clegg’s exhortation to implement junk food restrictions/regulations is designed to combat rising obesity rates among youths.
- (using a noun and a dash) This juxtaposition — between Australia’s barbaric trade and the more humane New Zealand model — serves to highlight the possibility of an economic solution.
Sentence 1: Dr Clegg outlines that the citizens of Australia are not taking adequate action to stop effects of junk food on children
- Sentence 2: Dr Clegg outlines the ineffective actions/trend of Australian parents, who fail to curb children’s high consumption of junk food.
Sentence 1: Major shows how animals should never consider themselves equal to or having identical interests to man.
- Sentence 2: Major’s shows the animal’s position of unequal, economic power.
RULE NO. 4
Use quotes as effectively as possible: Good quoting: using metalanguage:
- Good quoting – you need to include 4-5 quotes in every paragraph.
- Quote strategically – quote words with an “analytical story” (i.e. figurative, connotative, emotive, sarcastic etc. )
Sentence 1: rhetorical question: “The voluntary regulations and advertising codes did not work with cigarettes. Why will they work with junk food companies?”
Sentence 2: Dr Clegg targets the shameful and dissembling practices of both the cigarette and junk food companies. Her rhetorical question — “Why will they work with junk food companies?” — suggests that self-regulation is antithetical to their self-interested motives/ that they are incapable of self-regulation. (also note the use of nominals)
Using an urgent and resolute tone, Major implores the animals to recognise their differences from Man. He juxtaposes their physical attributes — “two legs” with “four legs” — to symbolise their irreconcilable physical and economic differences.
In an urgent form of address, Major seeks to isolate Man – “whatever goes upon two legs” — as the enemy. This depiction of a malicious enemy serves to cement the comradeship among the animals.
Please continue through the rules (as outlined in our notes.) And many more rules…