Before and After Student Examples

Area Study 2: Analysing and presenting arguments

Student Sample Paragraph: (VCA 2012 English Exam: Section C)

Before (C+ Essay)

One of the techniques used by Elliot to persuade the target audience is the development of herself as a writer.   From the very first line  Elliot confirms that she has always been an ‘early adopter’; a person who doesn’t shy away from change.    Her entire introduction speaks about the benefits of technology and through her use of anecdotal evidence, where she mentions that she ‘rushed out to buy an e-reading device.’ Elliot displays her eagerness to adopt technology and to incorporate it into modern society.  By opting for such personal evidence which speaks about!!  the human experience , Elliot attempts to gain the audience’s attention as it !! has a certain element of plausibility as well as ensure that she does not depict herself as a narrow minded conservative librarian, stuck in the previous generation.   Elliot enforces this image of herself as she continues to list the many benefits of incorporating education and technology : the ability to look up definitions just by clicking a word, a freedom children will experience as they go to school ‘without the terrible burden of their great big textbooks’ and the personal element that is maintained in e-books (for example one can still change the brightness and font size, making the experience still a personal one.)

After (A+ Essay)

In order to earn the trust of her mainly young adult audience, Mrs Elliott, candidly and enthusiastically, reveals that she is an “early adopter” of technology. Merging both her personal and professional voice, the librarian recommends technology as an important change agent. She makes historical comparisons with the Gutenberg printing press to show her open-minded and embracing attitude  towards innovation and progress. This confession is an important tactic and seeks to overcome any scepticism among her largely young-adult audience who, she knows, are likely to embrace new technologies.  The fact that she was hopeful that e-books would be the perfect panacea enabling students to rid themselves of the “burden” of textbooks, further reinforces her trust.  The graphic image of the young smiling boy who effortlessly uses the e-reading device is used during her presentation to show her lack of bias. The young boy leans against a mounting pile of books in order to reinforce the view that the device is more convenient and accessible.

NB: Notice the analytical sentences that embed the metalanguage and focus on purpose and not summary.  Work through our exercises/and responses. Become confident using our suggested tone words and sentences.

Return to The Language of Persuasion: Suggested Responses

2015 orange workbookWe encourage you to get ahead: early bird special price guarantees success:  $15.99. (Work through our exercises/suggested responses, practise writing analytical sentences and learn the metalanguage.)