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Exercise 25: Taking it further
Kongton Primary School’s principal, Dr Coglan, was shifted from the school after she introduced the controversial “whole class approach to toilet breaks”. Although its purpose was to reduce disruptions, many parents disagreed with the rule and cited numerous accidents as well as humiliation among students. Eventually she had to go and go she did – back to the Education Department.
Write a paragraph based on the views of Ms Hunt and Mr Li (p. 38)
- Use relevant metalanguage
- Focus on the depictions of the main stakeholders:
- what words are used to describe the competing stakeholders?
- how do they position readers to agree with the author’s views and values? What is their impact?
Topic sentence: In a mortified tone, Ms Hunt defends Dr Coglan and impugns those whom she believes have staged a hysterical witchhunt. (Purpose/Impact): The loaded terminology such as “persecuted” and the image of the “foe” coupled with the sharp tone evident in the word “shameful” captures Sue’s attitude. They enable her to position Dr Coghlan as the victim. In a defensive tone, she repeats a series of parallel phrases beginning with “never mind” to show the principal’s worthy character and make the school community aware of the injustice she has suffered. Thus, she builds sympathy for what she sees as an unnecessary dismissal and reinforces the victim’s moral superiority while shaming parents. (Technique/ word choice) (Word choice and impact) Furthermore the colloquial and figurative expressions such as ‘gunning for” her and “captured their foe” show the parents’ vindictive and manipulative streak. Some humour is evident in the pun that depicts her dismissal as an accident – but one that, she believes, is perhaps more serious than the numerous accidents that the students might have experienced.
Article 2 is by Mr Jim Li (an opponent of the principal).
Topic sentence: Adopting an accusatory tone, Mr Li defends the parents’ actions on the grounds that the principal was an impediment to the students’ education. (Technique/ attack and purpose) By building sympathy for the students who have been humiliated, and systematically discrediting the principal, this author is able to enlist support among the school community and the general public. (Purpose: create divisions and instil guilt) The use of harsh descriptions enables him to isolate and instil guilt in the principal and her supporters. The authoritarian characterisation of the principal reinforces his relief at the principal’s departure and taps into the hostility surrounding her actions. Furthermore, the use of inclusive language sets up a divide between the principal’s supporters and their opponents who, Mr Li believes, prioritised the students’ education as “the most important thing of all”.
Mr Li presents the children and the school community as people who have suffered from the principal’s rules. To elicit sympathy among readers, he adopts a rather aggrieved tone to point out that many children have been “personally” humiliated and embarrassed. The figurative and personified reference to a school that must “lick its wounds” leaves readers with the impression that the school has been affected and must now return to its main priority of educating children.
For further extension:
Write a paragraph comparing the main techniques.
Text 2: (the comparative paragraph)
Firstly, set up the paragraph by using some cross-referencing sentences (and/or and intertwine throughout) such as:
- If Ms Hunt seeks to defend the principal, Mr Li adopts an accusatory stance to condemn her divisive actions.
- Whereas Ms Hunt adopts a defensive tone to praise the principal’s legacy, Mr Li decries her blunt and unapproachable manner.
- While Ms Hunt condemns the “band of parents” who persecuted the principal, Mr Li justifies their reasons for taking a confrontational attitude/stance. Accordingly, he seeks to reduce/allay any guilt feelings and ensures that the focus remains on the principal’s lack of sensitivity.
And then zoom in on particular points of difference.
Our aim so far: well done to Ishini! – Exercise 24.
- Good use of analytical vocabulary which helps Ishini improve her analysis/insight and commentary.
- The next stage is to group together the key points and to aim for more fluency and a better flow through the paragraph. Also some use of intransitive verbs used transitively – i’ve corrected these.
Ms Sue Hunt’s view
Ms Hunt adopts a praiseworthy tone to present Dr Coglan as a respectable leader, whose resignation was the result of vindictive parents. She presents the principal as a victim of these parents to evoke sympathy. Sue includes words such as “foe” and “persecuted” to reinforce the fact that Dr Coglan’s dismissal was surrounded by unjust circumstances. She describes the principal’s attributes positively while shaming the “band of parents” who are depicted as manipulative villains. She invites members of the school fraternity to share her indignation by emphasising the fact that the parents used Dr Coglan’s introduction of the “whole class approach to toilet breaks” rule as an excuse to get rid of her. She seeks to rationalise our perception of the principal by using phrases like “never mind” to … She impugns the scheming and vengeful motives of the parents and directs our exasperation towards them. The figurative expression “gunning for” reflects her accusatory stance which is designed to shame the parents.
Mr Jim Li’s view
In a high-minded tone, Mr Li defends the parents’ approach to the situation of the students’ education being obstructed by the principal. He suggests that the children encountered humiliation and that leaders of the school community took appropriate action. The figurative reference to “lick its wounds” accentuates that the school has been negatively affected by the unnecessary introduction of the principal’s rule. The author decries Dr Coglan’s neglectful and arrogant attitude towards the parents’ concerns. He relentlessly describes the helpless situation the school was caused to experience with Dr Coglan’s regulations. The parents’ vexation at the fact the decision disrupts children’s learning, personal space and confidence is shown with the colloquial reference to the “last straw.” His tyrannical portrayal of the principal helps to isolate and build antagonism surrounding her actions.
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