There are benefits to hanging out online – pg 55
Sue Dong uses her experience as a parent of three teenagers to argue her point about not using too much technology in schools. (1) She emphasises her contention by showing large amounts of research of studies performed by professionals on the issue. (2) However she does remark about a study which proves that Australia’s youth are developing social and technical skills but stands her ground and continues to argue against it. (3)
- You must be more specific about her views and purpose. What does her experience show? What is the tone and how does she use it to set up her argument. Be more specific about her “contention”. What do the studies show? How do they support her view? Are they biased? Are they fair? Can they be trusted?
- Be specific about “stands her ground”? What do you mean?
- Keep including references to how she seeks to influence the reader’s thoughts and emotional response.
Revise the following sentence patterns.
The jury is still out – pg 54
Dr Jim Scott uses his position of authority as an education consultant to convince his audience that the facts he states are true. (1) He doesn’t give his view on the issue but rather gives a lot of research comparing schools that use a lot of technology and schools that hardly use any. (2 and 3). He suggests that too much technology could lead students to forget how to write come exam time and states that it is “food for thought”. (4)
- What are the facts? What does he seek to explain and analyse?
- What is his tone? Give examples?
- How does he seek to maintain a degree of fairness?
- What are the implications? Which view does he seem to prefer and why? How does he convince readers?
There are benefits to hanging out online – pg 55
Ms Sue Dong believes her children are spending far too much time using technology. She is annoyed at the fact that her teenagers are constantly distracted by other things when they are supposedly doing their homework. Sue uses her personal experience to persuade the reader that technology is too much of a distraction to teenagers when they are supposed to be studying. (1)
She then uses an expert’s opinion that people are now at risk of developing a new form of attention deficit disorder which arises because of excessive use of computers. However, Sue then continues on to present positive outcomes from the use of technology saying a study showed Australia’s youth online, skills necessary in a rapidly changing society. (2) She also quotes Professor Kitso, who believes there are existing possibilities for education with the use of technology. (3)
(1) Can you explain the purpose of this comment? For example, Ms Dong candidly reveals her own experience to show her anxiety and scepticism. (Show the link to the research – that is, if it convinces her of the benefits then this appears as a significant change.)
(2) She painstakingly focuses on the reliability of the study in order to show its merits. Therefore she does concede that she may be wrong and predisposes readers like herself to recognise that they may simply be overanxious.
(3) Generally too much summarising. You need to tip it over into analysis. See Assessor’s comments on p. 4. Ensure an appropriate balance between “summary and analysis”.
There are benefits to hanging out online – pg 55
In her email to Dr Jim Scott, “There are benefits to hanging out online!”, sent on the 21st January 2013, Sue Dong intends to alert readers of her uncertainties about the use of technology in school environments. Particularly emphasising her doubts to parents and teachers, she contrasts her personal experiences with tatistics in order to convey her worries to the reader. (1)
Dong’s descriptions of her three teenagers “constantly chatting and checking emails” intends to evince feelings of annoyance from the reader. (2) Her use of “constantly” highlights the fact that her children are prioritising time spent on technology over their schoolwork. The reader is likely to express disapproval at the hindering capabilities of technology, and thus be persuaded to show more concern at the way technology is used with schoolwork.
Dong’s stark contrast of her experiences with the statistics produced by the MacMill Foundation draws attention to the contradictory statements given by both sides – the study stating children are developing important “social and technical skills” while Dong’s information says a new form of “attention deficit disorder” is arising. (3) Dong uses this to imply that the findings of study by are flawed, thereby attempting to convince the reader to heed more caution around using technology in learning environments. The reader is likely to join Dong’s point of view as they may be inclined to believe more realistic evidence rather than theoretical evidence.
The comment by Janice Horatio evinces a frustrated tone by recalling an anecdote of using laptops in class. By stressing that sensible students like her are “penalised” for the actions of other guilty individuals suggests to the reader that technology in a class environment is highly counterproductive. Thus, the reader may be inclined to question the effectiveness of this kind of technology and ask for a more detailed review on the way technology can benefit students. (4) In contrast, the comment by Heck Thomas confidently describes work “mostly” gets done and saves time with the power of the laptops. This positions the reader to take a more optimistic stance on technology use, and thus feel more accepting of laptops being used in classes.
(1) Good beginning.
(2) Expand on the purpose. See “Context” and Author, p. 9. Ms Dong is relaying her worries in order to show that she is sceptical and perhaps make readers suitably suspicious. This helps her to appear fair and reasonable especially if she then believes that there is merit in the studies. Her tone is candid; confessional; it sets up a direct relationship with other parents who are likely to share her concerns.
(3) You need to consider the fact that Ms Dong painstakingly points out the reliability of the research in order to give reasons for a change in view. Readers are expected to be open-minded about the results. She encourages them to see the possible benefits, whilst maintaining some reservations. She thereby seeks to allay and reassure readers … (See p. 62, sentence patterns, “fear”)
(4) There is also a suggestion of shaming teachers because of their inability to control this learning environment.