English Works

Language Analysis: how to improve: Lesson Update:

Lesson Update

Lesson Times:

  1. Saturday 3rd March, 1 – 2 pm
  2. Sunday 4th March, 12.15 – 1.15 pm
  3. Sunday 11th March, 10.45 – 11.45 am
  4. Sunday 11th March 12.15 – 1.15 pm
  5.  Sunday 18th March, 12. 15 – 1.15 pm

 

LANGUAGE ANALYSIS SESSIONS:  How can I improve my Language Analysis?

Most common feedback from teachers is:

  • “You need to do more with “purpose/impact/effect on reader”;
  • “You haven’t identified the author’s key ideas/arguments clearly and sharply enough”;
  • “There is too much summarising and not enough analysing”
  • “The paragraphs don’t flow that well.”

We are working on the following steps:

Step 1: focus on “chunks” of text and analyse key ideas and most important techniques (watching “nuanced” contentions and key ideas; evidence; real-life examples; personal and professional observations; scenarios; comparisons; criticisms; appeals.)

Step 2: work hard with the purpose/positioning analysis (ie  “milk” the example/technique for purpose: be specific with audience segments; reverse appeals; (we are also working on some strategies/common statements; challenging misconceptions; encouraging sceptical parent cohort; targeting unsuspecting members of the audience to …)

Step 3: Writing efficient sentences/use of analytical terms/grammar

  • 1 idea to one sentence (short, sharp and snappy)
  • Use sentences with an analytical focus (so as to avoid summarising)
  • Intersperse several tick-off-the-box sentences that have an obvious focus on purpose, “In doing so/accordingly, as a result, the author … “
  • Use non-finite clauses to embed metalanguage: “adopting a resolute tone/ appealing to parental duty of care issues”
  • Use quotes smartly; build the sentence around the quote; embed metalanguage; draw out the purpose

Step 4: Short responses (structure of paragraph)

Step 5: Long pieces (structure of essay)

(similar paragraphs/ focus on chunks/ and don’t get lost in detail)

Here are a couple we did in class. If we do the same ones, then it’s easier for me to give more detailed feedback and suggestions.

I have chosen pieces that are ideas-based as they are harder; there are some that are similar to your exam pieces, and a few like the SAC.

  • Dear Miss Universe, you need to lose the bikinis, Melissa Singer
  • Implant Helps me hear, Abigail Gorman
  • Why I stopped buying clothes, Jayne Christensen

 

HERE ARE THE EXAMPLES FOR STEP 4: SHORT ANALYSIS plus Suggested Response (online)

See below for the article, and here are some suggested responses. Please note the use of metalanguage and sentence models.

Outright Bans, Exercise 32

According to the police, up to half the number of road accidents are caused by unnecessary distractions such as the use of mobile phones. Whilst I agree, that bans are overdue, what about all the other distractions?

Whilst taking the bus to work each morning, I watch the cars go by. It seems quite normal for drivers to eat breakfast behind the wheel. One driver was spooning food into his mouth while waiting at the lights.

I often see women applying makeup, fiddling with their mascara and bopping up and down in front of mirrors. Not to mention smoking! How often do I see drivers get out a cigarette, find a lighter, and attempt to focus on the end of the cigarette while they light it.

Too bad if they miss the lights.

  • Outright bans (http://www.englishworks.com.au/red-exercise-32-outright-bans-p-43/)

Penny Abbey, Hampton Park

Please see: 

  • Outright bans 

 Equality rules the day, Dr Fiona Smithers (recruitment agency)

I can’t believe the amount of fuss people are making about women going off to war. Surely we should take for granted that women should have the same opportunities as men, and if that includes the right to die for your country then so be it.

Why should a woman’s death lead to greater emotional outpouring and soul-searching than a man’s?

Any death in the course of duty is equally shocking, equally honourable, and equally tragic.

If women can show or develop the same physical and psychological capabilities as required by men in combat, then they should have the opportunity to choose their desired career path in the defence forces.

Keep in mind that only a very small proportion of men satisfy the criteria for combat, and so we are only talking about a handful of women. So tear down the man-made obstacles.

Braids and uniforms

After the furore at Spencer Secondary College and the ban on the braided hairstyles of the South Sudanese girls, and then the overturning of the ban, it seems that our school community is in a spin.

And then for the principal to compare the braids of Bali holiday-makers with the braids of these girls smacks of intolerance and cultural insensitivity.

Clearly the school’s uniform policy is inflexible and outdated. No one doubts that rules must be followed and there will always be unpopular rules. But this is about cultural and religious diversity and the rights of all students to confidently affirm these rights – without being stigmatised.

In this case, the hairstyle makes their hair healthier and easier to manage. But fundamentally the braided hairstyle is also a form of cultural expression.

And this is the point of the Universal Rights Declaration.

And we of all nations must comply. Susie Springer, Spencer College

Please see: 

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