Setting up the paragraph is the key to a good essay. Have you identified the author’s most important (overarching) key idea? If so, you should be able to group together the techniques that support this key idea and discuss their purpose in more depth.
Turn to page 28, The Language of Persuasion: an essay-writing guide (2015)
Let’s practice writing a paragraph with a clear, sharp focus which :
- has a common thread (group together techniques that support the key strategy so that you can more insightfully analyse the purpose)
- shows a progression from the big picture to the specific (with signposts)
- includes subtle reference to techniques
- uses some adverbs to identify the tone (for variation)
See page 27: good students have an ability to conceptualise the “most important views and techniques” and then “deep dive” appropriately. In other words, they analyse a key cluster that reinforces the “big picture”. A sophisticated reading of this cluster anticipates and explains the author’s key persuasive concerns and purpose.
Common thread: showing responsibility towards the environment
(personal example, high-minded and at times sarcastic tone, the comparison between caring and careless people; a listing technique; attacking technique; depictions of people)
Frankly, the author (Jim Swathe) lists the personal steps he has taken as an environmentally concerned citizen to show that ordinary steps do make a difference. Using his own actions as a case study, and adopting both a confessional and sometimes a derisory tone, Mr Swathe presents himself as an altruistic role model, expecting that many of us would admire his careful actions. Specifically, the author switches the lights off early, and refrains from using plastic bags – small steps that he believes make a difference. Accordingly, he sets up a comparison with those who, shamefully, are selfish and “reluctant to sacrifice their lifestyle”. Such criticisms seek to isolate and direct our anger towards such people, whom he suggests, are hypocritically making excuses for their inaction.
Also see: using analytical terminology more effectively.
Common thread: criticising those who foolishly seek to protect nature’s beauty, but fail to support natural energy projects such as wind-farms
Reproachfully, the author (Pearl Tinney) discredits those who purport to cherish nature’s beauty, whilst dismissing natural energy projects such as wind-farms. Using selective quotes to mock their views, such as it “would spoil the view”, Ms Tinney not only derides them but seeks to shame and isolate them because of their selfish attitude. Specifically, the sarcastic retort, “good grief”, implies that they are foolish and illogical because they hypocritically fail to notice that nature is being undermined by their lack of care. Accordingly, the author expects concerned and fair-minded citizens to register their alarm and pressure for a change in community attitudes.
Make a start: author’s views, values and critical technique
Alarmingly, Mr Louv contends that children in westernised countries are suffering from a lack of connection with nature. Comparing children in urbanised countries such as America and Australia, the author points out that the reduction in physical play is also an emotional problem. The statistics suggest that very few children are exposed to physical play and parents over-emphasise indoor screen-based activities to their peril.
Rewrite: include a tone word and emphasise purpose
Sensibly, (prosaically, phlegmatically) Mr Louv contends that children in westernised countries are suffering from a lack of connection with nature. Comparing children in urbanised countries such as America and Australia, the author alarms (ie. fear tactics and purpose) all concerned families about the demise of physical play, which affects their emotional development. The statistics sourced from the Australian Bureau of Statistics that indicate as many as one in four children have not “climbed a tree” suggest that very few children are exposed to physical play. Such an unlikely occurrence is likely to shame (ie. shaming tactics, moral appeal and intention to isolate) all parents who over-emphasise indoor screen-based activities to their peril. Accordingly, the author challenges parents to prioritise health and wellbeing concerns (i.e. appeal to health and wellbeing) of all children and take heed of the worrying trend.
TIP: Think about using tone words as adverbs. Learn a variety of tone words.
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