Sandra Laing chooses Petrus in an attempt to avoid the humiliation she suffers…
Relationship with Petrus brings her not only freedom from the humiliation but also an opportunity to explore her sexuality unencumbered by the rules and attitudes of the whites. He makes her feel more “complete” which alludes to the importance of both emotional and sexual satisfaction in her life. She does not find this same degree of wellbeing with her white suitors.
Sandra sacrifices her family and the material privileges that belong to the dominant white Afrikaan society in order to find a place where she is comfortable. She realises she will never be secure and fulfilled as an individual within the racist white Afrikaan society. She is made to feel constantly embarrassed by her skin colour. For her own peace of mind she must give up so much to achieve a degree of happiness that follows from her life among the coloured people. However, such security comes at a terrible price. As Abraham tells her, “if you don’t come now, you will never see your family again. I promise you.”
EXPERIENCE OF DIFFERENCE eventually shaped her, strengthened her and enables her to find happiness.
WITH HER BIG FAMILY – she finds her place. Reconciles with her mother; enjoys her family life.. becomes important. .. as Fiona S N states in her book analysing the role of bullying on the lives of people who became successful and influential. “There are advantages.. …. Sandra does develop important life skills…
HOW AND WHY IS OUR IDENTITY CHANGING
Often our identity changes depending upon our relationship with the group, our experiences and the degree of acceptance. Often we change groups and this can have an influence on our sense of self and who we are. In countries such as South Afrika, the system of apartheid influences a person’s place in the group and their identity. In Sandra Laing’s case, because she is not strictly “white”, the classifications of “white” and “coloured” have a big impact on her identity. The more she seeks to assimilate into the white community, the more she becomes aware of her difference and this leads to constantly changing perceptions of self.
Whilst she is at home, and remains Dad’s little “angel” and princess, Sandra is comfortable. However, branching out into the wide world, studying in a boarding school, she is forced to confront the consequences of her colour differences. As a result, she is constantly excluded. Her identity takes a battering. SCHOOL…. …
She is shocked by the attention she arouses owing to her colour. The attempt to exclude and isolate her affects her confidence and self esteem. At school all the students and their parents despise and exclude her as a freak just because her skin is dark. When the headmaster expels her, Sandra asks her father “What did l do wrong?”. She knows that her skin is shameful and a mark of difference. She knows that she becomes the object of scorn and contempt, and this has a very big impact on her confidence levels.
New experiences and new relationships lead to constant change. Not only does her relationship with Petrus lead to change, but our search for self is often driven by the need to find a comfortable and secure space within the group. Driven by her adverse experiences among the white community, Sandra increasingly realises that she is more comfortable with the coloured people. With Petrus, Sandra feels less trammeled, less ridiculed and happier. “l like him” Sandra said to her mother, though her parents both oppose her decision to stay with Petrus. However, life with Petrus leads to further changes in her identity.
Sometimes our identity is there somewhere, just under the “skin”.
When Sandra’s mother gives her the doll, it is a sense that Sandra has come home. She has recovered those beautiful loving emotions that have never changed with her mother. Well, perhaps they have strengthened through absence.
Doll – swallow in “The happy prince” whose relationship with the prince leads to a complete transformation in his outlook on life as he realizes that helping people’s suffering and showing compassion is critical to our sense of self.
The pressure on individuals to belong to groups can be very damaging.
Sometimes people have to reject certain groups in order to find a more supportive place to belong and this can lead to soul-destroying sacrifices that ironically can be almost as damaging. Whilst Sandra chooses to join the coloured community because Petrus provides her with greater emotional and sexual satisfaction, she nevertheless has to renounce her family that leads to life-long regrets. During her darkest moments, her father Abraham still refuses contact with her and she is forced to rely on her own very limited resources. (Specific comment/ example/ quote from movie)… Her problems are compounded and she experiences even greater conflict because Petrus eventually sees her white skin as a “curse” and blames her for their woes, especially after their dwellings are bulldozed and reclaimed by the Afrikaan government for redevelopment.
She chooses Petrus in an attempt to avoid the humiliation she suffers…
Relationship with Petrus brings her not only freedom from the humiliation but also an opportunity to explore her sexuality unencumbered by the rules and attitudes of the whites. He makes her feel more “complete” which alludes to the importance of both emotional and sexual satisfaction in her life. She does not find this same degree of wellbeing with her white suitors.
Sandra sacrifices her family and the material privileges that belong to the dominant white Afrikaan society in order to find a place where she is comfortable. She realises she will never be secure and fulfilled as an individual within the racist white Afrikaan society. She is made to feel constantly embarrassed by her skin colour. For her own peace of mind she must give up so much to achieve a degree of happiness that follows from her life among the coloured people. However, such security comes at a terrible price. As Abraham tells her, “if you don’t come now, you will never see your family again. I promise you.”
The pressure on individuals to belong to groups can be very damaging.
Sometimes people have to reject certain groups in order to find a more supportive place to belong and this can lead to soul-destroying sacrifices that ironically can be almost as damaging. Whilst Sandra chooses to join the coloured community because Petrus provides her with greater emotional and sexual satisfaction, she nevertheless has to renounce her family that leads to life-long regrets. During her darkest moments, her father Abraham still refuses contact with her and she is forced to rely on her own very limited resources. (Specific comment/ example/ quote from movie)… Her problems are compounded and she experiences even greater conflict because Petrus eventually sees her white skin as a “curse” and blames her for their woes, especially after their dwellings are bulldozed and reclaimed by the Afrikaan government for redevelopment.
Despite the burden of difference, and the difficulties assimilating to different groups, people are not always necessarily damaged. Many individuals grow and develop through conflict; they develop important life skills, and gain confidence from living on their own terms… As Fiona S Norman says…. This is evident in Sandra’s case… particularly after her separation from Petrus. Forced to rely on her own resources, she becomes a domestic worker and eventually works in a factory in an attempt to support her children who become her whole world and provide a sense of focus and love.
(compare and contrast another example…) Similarly, migrants who are also excluded from mainstream groups because of their ethnic differences often have to develop resilient life skills and build confidence in other ways. For example, Nahji Chu who has developed a tuckshop franchise in Sydney and Melbourne explains that she had to overcome a great deal of soul searching because of discrimination she experienced as a child. However, this helped to reconcile her with her Vietnamese roots and she has benefited from a renewed sense of pride…
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